I took a slight break from writing / journaling my life as I hit a very low point and needed time to reboot, recharge, take a deep breathe, see my therapist a couple times, and gather myself back together again. I signed on today for the first time in over a month and was greeted by a link to a blog post that I follow. It inspired me to continue this writing journey in hopes of helping others maneuver through the Indian in-law maze.
I appreciate buddhafulbritt’s humor to subjects that are trying, but as she explains in the first paragraph, her Indian in-laws accepted her from the beginning. Not the case for me. And although I agree with her that the man writing the article she reviews IS using dramatic scare tactics to make money, unfortunately I don’t think he’s too far off base. https://buddhafulbritt.com/2018/10/11/his-indian-parents-dont-accept-you
I’ve been thinking a lot about my situation and what I would say to someone about to enter into the ‘meet the in law’ stage. From my own experience, the dad will be cool and the mom will hate you. That’s about it in a nutshell. There’s nothing I can do that will make his mother like me. Now that I’ve accepted this, I have found myself able to move on and not kill myself trying to kowtow to her or try to please her, because let’s face it, I will never be good enough for her one and only, holy up on a pedestal son. (bitter? yup I sure am).
It is difficult to be around a woman who firmly believes my value and worth is measured by my ability to clean her son’s house and cook for him Indian food. Yes, did you catch how this is ‘his’ house, completely disregarding the fact that I live here too? And cook ‘him’ food, not dinner that we both want, just the same ol’ lentils the way she cooks them, zero deviation. Being raised in a world where I was constantly told I can be whatever I want, do whatever I want, and respected for my opinion and personality, having it all come down to whether I can properly make rotis is beyond insulting.
Yes, his mother is angry, manipulative, passive aggressive and just plain rude to me. Much of it my boyfriend does not see, and it is a very tricky, fine line I walk when trying to explain it to him. I try my best to remain respectful in my words as these are his parents, but specific enough that he understands the issues I am facing with her.
We have had two glorious weeks free of them. They went to Toronto to visit family. Our house is back in order, it is clean, we have spent lots of, ummmm, ‘quality time’ back together again (wink,wink). They will be back in two days. But I am hopeful for the second half of their visit. Two days after they return, my mother is coming to visit for five days, and that will be a welcomed break. And yes, she is definitely staying in a hotel lol. Once she leaves we have one week and then I am taking Ajit to Boston to meet my father. So add five more days away, and once we return from there, I will have one month left until they go home to India. I feel the breaks will help move things along. That was the biggest mistake from the initial first half, there were no breaks, no time apart. It was them, in the house all day, every day, seven days a week. Always here, always making messes, always with the tv blaring, always cooking lentils (this really is a running joke at this point).
So I am signing off for two more blissful days, and will continue the journey next week…